You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
