why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
