I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
