Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
