In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm jealous of your bromance
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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