i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
