you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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