I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
