just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
