hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
