i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
