Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
