there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
