Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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