Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
