I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize