i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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