Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
