If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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