holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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