i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize