im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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