a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
