I seem to have left my pride at pride
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
