No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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