go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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