A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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