i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
