It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
