I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
