tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
