It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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