I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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