we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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