I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
