I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
