I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
