I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
