I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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