I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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