i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize