i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
