you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
