No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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