I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
