I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
