Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
