My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
