did you get engaged???
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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