airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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