community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
