Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
