YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
