I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
