i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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