Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
