Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
