If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i will never coherently bang her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
