Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
