I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
