First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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