how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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