ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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