I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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