Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize