from now on my penis is your penis
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
