I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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