Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
