it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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