Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
