I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
