Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
