i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
