soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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