you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
