It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
