Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
