I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
