Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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