Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
