I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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