Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
