She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize