So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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