I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
