I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
