yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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