Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
