Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
