i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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