My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im holly from the hills drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
