So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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