I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
