3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
