If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
