I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
