I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
