We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
