Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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