She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
