Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize