dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
