I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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