When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
