All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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