I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we're so committed to being not committed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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