At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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