is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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