party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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