What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
