My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize