I just saw a hot homeless man
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
