i think my mom watched the whole time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
